Thanks for the unexpected

I was going to spend today's blog  anonymously flaming a couple of parents I keep running into at the local kiddo hangout. But I have decided not to... at least not today. Instead I am going to end my week on a high note. Because I am that kind of guy. I am. Yes, I am.

Feelgoodness after the jump...


It's been a few months now that I have been home with Finn full time. This week I received my last paycheck and so I am officially unemployed. The panic of being sans-job has subsided. All the questions of my own worth and whether or not I should have spent so much time pursuing a PhD in Horticulture (Was it the right program? Did I make a mistake? Am I too educated to get a job? Should Danielle have gone to school instead? She would have likely been more marketable after all.) are quieter in my head.

I haven't been looking for jobs much these days. I haven't sent out a resume in a couple of weeks. Instead I am spending my days with Finn.

We have fallen into an easy routine that I have come to truly look forward to. Finn and Mommy start breakfast in the morning. Then I amble into the kitchen around 7:20, shirtless and just in time for fresh coffee. Mommy is out the door at 7:30. Finn and I finish breakfast, get dressed, brush our teeth and then walk to the park. These days we have been loitering around the house a bit more in the mornings because the school kids wait for the bus at the park we patronize. Finn finds them fascinating. I find them vulgar and obnoxious - like Michele Bachman, but with larger vocabularies.

The park is where I really see how much Finn has grown over the last 15 months. He climbs things. He throws things. He does a lot of pointing. He likes to swing and to play seek (it's hide and seek without the hiding part). He's going down the slide mostly by himself now. And when he is good and tired, we take a peaceful stroll around the block or away from our house a ways before heading home for second breakfast and nap time (or as I call it, the first great attitude adjustment).

And we have our weekly routines too. Tuesdays and Fridays we go to Sun Country to play in the gymnasiums (and so Daddy can at least see adult humans that are not on TV). Saturdays we all go to the farmers market and maybe to PetSmart to see the puppies. Sundays we go grocery shopping.

I've come to really enjoy our lives in the context of this microcosm. What piece of playground equipment will Finn conquer this week? How much food will he eat for second breakfast (it's his favorite meal)? What make believe will we play this afternoon? What animal sound will he master today? How big will he smile when Mommy gets home tonight?

My days used to be filled with planing lectures, designing experiments, collecting data, writing manuscripts (that is "sciencing", for the lay-person). I certainly miss that. I loved what I was doing and I will likely do it again. But I also feel like I am involved in a very important process on a very intimate level in a very fleeting period.

I am growing a person. I am molding a conscience. I am shaping a man.

I am involved in raising Finn in a way that most dads never get to be, or are never allowed to be, or never allow themselves to be involved. I get to see Finn out in the world interacting with other people all the time and I love it. I love to see him walk up to a perfect stranger, look up into their face and just study them. Or to see him hand over a toy to another kid without prompting. Or to see all the kinetics of a boy: him trying to turn doorknobs and push buttons on a cell phone and climbing into a laundry basket.

I am watching him evolve.

So, yes I am insanely jealous (and also very proud. Congratulations P!) that my colleague was literally just offered a teaching job at a university. But I am also humbled by my time with Finn. I need to constantly remind myself that time is passing and that I am very privileged to be documenting so much of my son's life.