The Law of Inverse Proportions

It's been two weeks since I moved from Florida to Iowa. Which means it has been two weeks since I have seen my wife and kid. One more week before I get to pick them up at the Minneapolis airport.

But the funny thing is, the closer it gets to time to pick them up, the harder it is to be without them. Shouldn't it be getting easier? Shouldn't I be getting used to this by now? I guess not.


Danielle and I have done the long-term, long distance thing before, though over the last 6 years we have not been apart for longer than about ten days. That's pretty difficult in itself, but at least her and I can have a conversation on the phone.

With Finn, I get a few squawks and parroted words over a muffled phone, but it's hard to really communicate with him. So much of the conversation between a parent and a 1.5 year old is in the day-to-day details and interactions.

What's really hard is that I can see from the videos that he is changing so much over this short separation. His walk is taking on a new lumbering swagger. He's more controlled and coordinated. He's saying more and more words, putting words together and using his words in new ways. I am told he walked into his bedroom the other day and started pointing at things and naming them.

I have made a conscious effort to be very positive with this blog. No whining. But I do have to say that it has gotten hard to even look at pictures of Finn. As long as I don't think about him, I don't miss him. But then all of a sudden he jumps into my mind - the sound of his voice, the camber in the way he intones "soccer ball", his arms uplifted as he asks to be picked up, the growing weight of his little body, a hug with a squeeze, tickles, kisses, high fives, story time, park time, lunch time - and I am stopped in my tracks.

Finn has been the mainstay in my life for the last 6 months. He's been my constant companion. He's dictated my every decision. It wasn't always easy and it wasn't always fun, but I miss the weight of it all very, very much. Especially knowing it won't likely ever be like that again.