A funny thing happened the other day. I was in the middle of changing Finn's diaper when I noticed a gooey boogie lodged along the rim of his nostril. Just for a little context, he's getting over a pretty nasty cold and having trouble breathing without the man-made nose plugs. So I did what any dad would do; I held down his arms, braced my forearm against his chest with one arm and tried to pick it with my other hand as he thrashed his head like that girl in The Exorcist. He's lucky I didn't poke out his eye.
Then it hit me... it wasn't even an entire hour earlier that I was chastising Finn for hunting nose goblins. And yet I will not hesitate to mine his sniffer for gold ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD! I will pick Finn's nose against his will in the car, at Wal-Mart, at the park, in a museum or at a nice (-ish) restaurant. And then I will turn around and tell him not to do it in the comfort and privacy of his own home.
Then I saw a lady using her iPhone to assist her in her own "extraction" while parked in a parking garage. And then I realized something else... picking your nose is a universal (add that to your list E.O. Wilson!!)! We all do it. We do! Am I making you uncomfortable yet? Then you're not a parent. Parents talk about vomit while eating mashed potatoes and gravy at the dinner table. Our spouses have to remind us that the couple in the other booth doesn't want to hear about the consistency of our child's deuce at anytime during their evening, even though we find this to be totally normal light conversation.
Anyway...
So to recap, I am teaching Finn that he cannot pick his own nose, but that it's okay to pick other peoples' noses. I don't think that is a precedent I want to set. Because sometimes I sleep, like nightly. And eventually Finn will not be confined in a crib while I am sleeping. And if I'm not careful about the behaviors I model, I might just wake up one night with a little finger lodged in my snoz and touching my grey matter.
I hate inconsistency in parenting. I think it sets us up for the "Because I said so," blowouts that leave children feeling like they are less than they are. But I also realize that it is much easier to simplify the world into right and wrong than to trust that our children will use the same discretion we hope we would use. So, my plan is to try really hard not to just gank an errant greenie off Finn's cute little button nose with a bare finger, but to grab a tissue first. That's gonna be really hard to stick to, but I'm gonna try. And instead of telling Finn, "Don't pick your nose," I am going to try to ask him if he needs a tissue.
Other things I need to work if I don't want Finn to embarrass me with them later include not talking about pee-pees so much, not swearing and not talking about feces at meal times.
Side note: Do you really think those thin little tissues are impenetrable to booger juice? Me neither.
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